If I tried to explain how much my sides hurt from laughing, you would be here for a while, so I’ll just liken it to, I’d rather be in labor. Yes, I laughed that hard.
I just read the BV message board and saw a recycled thread asking which “celebs who could turn you out?” I laughed at some of the names mentioned and cosigned others, but overall sat in complete amusement because here we are, once again putting celebs on pedestals. Just because in fine doesn’t mean they’re good in bed. Good sex is subjective and very personal, so why perceive someone to be good when we don’t know for sure? Purely rhetorical, but I know I make sense. Let me take it one step further, you (men) look at Halle Berry and damn she’s beautiful, do you really think she’s willing to sweat herself up and truly get her freak on? Survey says…NO! Women, we all know Denzel is trophy fine, but deep down, do you really think he could turn you out? Survey says…Yes! What? Stop lying! You’re just saying that cause you’re willing to settle for the fact that you’re fulfilling a fantasy and will settle for a little less cause it’s Denzel. STOP IT! Don’t settle. If the sex isn’t good, it just isn’t good no matter whom it’s with. Come with me down memory lane…think back for a moment to some fine person you’ve wanted to get with and then when we got with them found out they were a dud. Yeah, I see the cringed faces…LOL! Now you’re feeling me. Let me pause for a moment because I’m hysterically laughing my black ass off.
Okay, now that I’ve calmed down for a second, I’ll continue. Imagine if you will a picture of you and I engaged in a kiss (yes, I stole that from Prince). Wait; let me pause for a second. Hell, you can’t kiss. What da %&)#*%)#*%? How the hell are you gonna be that fine and can’t kiss? What? Let me find out, this man’s gonna ruin my groove for sure now. Dammit! Let me explain myself. I’m of the philosophy that if you can’t kiss you can’t well, you know and that my friends is where the problem begins. On a rare occasion, there is an exception, but for the most part, it’s true. Kissing is the first step in physical intimacy and if the person you’re kissing doesn’t touch you in that “special” way, it’s a fair indication that the sex will be bad. Yes, I know this from experience unfortunately and I’ve also shared my philosophy with others and had them confirm it.
Now, back to the celebs who could turn you out or so you think. What exactly does being turned out entail? What stats are you using to gauge their turn you out capabilities? What are you bringing to the table? The list of questions is quite long and I don’t want to bore you with them all, but I’m sure you get my drift. Now, go back two paragraphs and read again…“sex is subjective and very personal”. While it’s fun to fantasize and think that looks is a determining factor of good sex, let me assure you of something fineness is not a precursor for being good in bed. Given the fact that looks attract you to someone, they sure as hell better have something to back their looks up. Well, that’s if you’re not a shallow and purely physically inspired person. Gasp! Yes, I said it cause there are lots of you who couldn’t give a rats ass about the content of character as long as you’re getting yours.
Personally, I get more of a kick at maintaining my fantasy because at least I’m guaranteed to get turned out. I’d rather that than have my feelings hurt to find out that my hunny can’t put the smack down. (Wiping potential tear away). Just in case you’re curious, cause I know you are; here’s a few who makes my list and the reasons they want me…lmao
Morris Chestnut (rumor has it he’s having marital issues and if he divorces, he’ll be looking for me)
Idris Elba (he’s a fellow countryman and will proudly say God bless the Queen…me!)
Maxwell (he’s read my poetry and wants to work me, I mean, work with me)
Denzel (appreciates a woman of a certain character…yes, I’m a character)
Michael Jai White (just because he does)
Well, that’s my afternoon rant. :-)