I received the following email this morning:
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK
When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work.
When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.
When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.
When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.
When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.
When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work.
When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "that lazy b*&%$#"...... You need to pray at work.
When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%s"....... You need to pray at work.
If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.
If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story .......You need to pray at work.
If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray atwork!
LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS - I know I am!
I’d read it before, but today is seemed even more apropos to consider its content. We all work with folk we wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, but as a rule of work ethic and engagement, you have to deal with them regardless. Well, there are folk at my job that infuriate me to the point of homicide and that in itself, says I need to pray at work. Trust me, I do! If not for the power of prayer, I’d be writing this from a 6x8 cell and ducking some big ass chick named Big Bertha cause I’m so gosh damn cute. Lemme give you a few examples of what I deal with on a daily basis.
I sit across from this dude who is so strange that strange actually makes sense to me. (That’s damned scary!) Anyhoo, He rolls in around 8:00 am, goes through the ritual of turning on his pc, getting something to eat, and then he listens to his voice mail. Now, he doesn’t just listen to his voice mail, he shares it. This mutha-shut-my-mouth listens on speakerphone. I don’t wanna listen to that shit! I don’t need to know this mans business or the business of the folk leaving the message personal or professional. Well, to add further insult to injury, he sleeps on the job. I’m not talking about a light catnap or nod. This cat falls asleep to the point where he’s given me whiplash for how his bounces. I’m sure you’re wondering how he pulls this off; he’s a government worker! That answer your question? Oh, and a well damned paid one to boot. Meanwhile, I’m wishing to bring home his paycheck. There’s days when I’m so tired and sleepy my damn self and wish I could take a nap, but I can’t and don’t. Yet this cat does it at his desk. If you hadn’t already figured it out, we sit in cubicles, so it’s not like he has privacy. His latest obsession, aside from sleeping, is updating his slide show of the house he’s having built. Talk about f*cking neurotic! He had photo of the vacant lot, then one of the lot being cleared, and so on and so on. I’m all for noting progress, but that’s a little excessive. And who really gives a rats ass anyway? All he’s doing is giving folk more reasons to talk about his crazy ass. Phew! Lemme take a breath. I hear the voices saying what the _*%#)&%)#? Imagine how the hell I feel. (Sigh)
Okay, so there’s more. I work with other people (actually, he sits in the next cube to me) who spent more time outside smoking than sitting at their desk. I’d say at least, (emphasis on least) four times an hour, this dude is outside lighting up and when he’s at his desk, he’s making personal calls. He does little or no work when he’s not smoking or on the phone, but could get an Oscar for his acting like he’s working. Can you tell, I’m surrounded by high paid, non-working folk? (Cringing)
There are quite a few others that I’m forced to deal with who do little or no work, but I’ll let them rest for a few, seeing that’s what they do best. I’ll speak on the folk that are always pointing the finger. Didn’t anyone tell them that for the one they point out, there are three that point back at them? If they don’t know, they better ask somebody. Yeah, there’s times when I get or am lazy, but hell at least I look like I’m doing something. I can’t in clear conscious point the proverbial finger and not acknowledge my own issues. I have them, I try to work on them, and remain below the radar. For the most part, I keep myself to myself. The less you interact, the less people have to say, and the better the workday is. I refuse to get caught up in all the office bullshit and drama; they have soap operas for that and with the price of cable these days, I need to watch them…lol! I have one person at work with whom I chill with during the day. We have established a level of trust between us and if we need to vent, we know we can go to each other. They say there’s safety in numbers, but I find that to only be true when in uniform. (Another story, for another day).
Anyhoo and moving on…My coworker/friend (she’s worthy of the title) helped inspire this entry because she came to me to vent her frustration with this environment and the people we work with. I felt her pain and thought I could do her some justice by speaking on her and my behalf. I’m sure once she reads this, she’ll she that the burden she shared was a burden halved.
To all of my readers who can empathize, lift your coffee mugs or other drink of choice (hopefully not alcoholic cause I’m assuming you’re at work and reading this), and say it with me, "Our father, who art in heaven, be with me in the workplace, give me the gift of restraint when I want to choke someone, and help me find shelter in the bathroom or other safe place to prevent me from exploding. Give me the wisdom to know when to shut my mouth and walk away. And finally, help me to always know that prayer in the workplace in the one insurance benefit I don’t have to pay for. Amen.”