I couldn’t help but laugh when I read one of the many bullsh*t threads on the BVs message board this morning and here’s why. Last week, a woman posted a thread seeking advise on how to deal with an ex boyfriend who was stalking her, leaving her threatening voice messages, and basically making her life hell. The woman received some of the stupidest responses imaginable. (Refer back to previous post if you aren’t familiar with my point) Anyhoo, this morning, I read the following thread from a woman regarding a situation in her life…
“…married…for 9 months…love my husband and do not want to start any problems, but my homeboy got out of jail this month and I want to keep in close contact with him…. been friends with my homeboy for almost 10 years...was locked up before I meet my husband though my husband knew that I wrote him while he was in jail, but I didn't let the mail come to my house, because I did not want him to get the wrong idea. My homeboy is like my brother. We never slept together; over like the first 3 yrs of knowing him we tried to about three times, but it never worked out (husband knows this). So I took it as a sign, it was never meant to happen. I used to chill over my homeboys house like 3 days a week after school and college. He was a really good friend. I don't want ANYTHING to disturb my marriage, but do y'all think that I could keep my homeboy and get to visit him and his family every so often and occasionally talk on the phone and not cause a problem with my husband. My husband is not insecure but he kind of like a lion he does not want anybody on his turf. How would I approach the subject to my husband?”
Now, keep in mind the advice the woman being stalked received, and then consider what I’m about to tell you were the responses for this woman’s problems.
“no disrespect intended, but I'm thinking that will all the great stuff going on in your life, new marriage, about to have a family, that your homeboy should just stay a distant friend for now. Your husband may not handle it too well that you are wanting to be close friends with someone (a male) that is just getting out of prison. It's probably best to let that friendship "slide" so to speak and just focus on your family and the good things coming your way. It's a difficult thing because you have been such a good friend to homeboy but I think as a good friend he would understand your focus on your husband and your pregnancy.”
The woman received this and similar responses suggesting that she keep dude distant and/or end the friendship all together in favor of her husband and her future. Now, while I can respect their thoughts on how she should deal with this issue, I am completely at a loss for words. Hell, all I can think to do is laugh at this juncture. How in the name of all that makes sense can people dispense “advice” (trust me I use that word loosely), to a woman who has already shown conflicting signs to both her marriage and her friendship what appears to be sound advice/support; and then turn around and give piss poor advice to a woman who was clearly in an extremely adverse situation? All I can say is, thank God for REAL therapists, counselors, and other people in the mental health profession because if I were in need of advice and reached out to those lame brains on BV, I’d be f*cked!
I don’t know the mentality or mind set of the people who post threads seeking advice and I’m not knocking them because everyone needs comfort, advice, and/or support, but for crying out loud, please consider whom you’re reaching out to. Forgive me for my jesting undertone, but I can’t help it. This kind of thing reminds me of the woman who write into women’s magazine’s complaining about not achieving an orgasm. I’m always left in a hysterical fit of laughter and/or wondering why people torment themselves in such a way. Let’s face it; some “problems” are easily handled with open and honest dialog in the case of the aforementioned woman. And in other cases as I just mentioned, talk to your partner. Hell, if you’re sleeping him, you should be able to speak to him right? If you can’t speak to him, talk to your Gyn. If you trust that person to inspect the inner sanctums of your anatomy, shouldn’t you be able to speak with him/her regarding your sexual problems? Thought so! My advice, spare yourself the long wait of a reply from the person who responds to those questions and spare him/her from secretly laughing at yet another person who writes in with this issue. (CTFU!) I’m sorry; I can’t help it. It’s not my intention to be mean or rude, but it’s just one of those things that make me laugh.
Well, I guess I’m done my mixed bag of ranting this morning. But let me end with this thought, if you have a dire problem, reach out to your closest, and nearest/dearest friends. I think they could give you the better advice than a bunch of strangers speculating on what is best for you. Your friends know you, have spend time with you, and for the most part, should be able to guide you in a non-conflicting manner.
Now that I've given my two-cents, watch me as I walk a-way! :-)